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... For those who are tuning in late, here is "our story thus far":
Recently, Mr. Sam Wisefish (alias, the Dolphin) of the Citizens' Committee to Clean Up N.Y. Fish Bowls came out with a story about a fish processing company called Fin-e-metrics and alleged that high-tech fishing was illegally being done on foreign fishing banks. -- (As reported by FNN, the Fish News Network)
Here is how Wisefish's story appeared in "Fin Nation" ... a somewhat fishy journal known for it's "carping."
"A telephone company in Arkansas, called FINTEL has a subsidiary called Fin-e-metrics which is 'The' proprietary fishing processing operation of the FSA, the Fish Security Agency. Developed, was a highly refined version of the 'Fish-Peek' software called *GOFISH*. Originally designed to track the fishing records of the federal fisheries, it was adapted to be used by *all* fish agencies tracking fishing worldwide, by submarine."
But there is a closely guarded secret. This software has a "plug" built into it. So, the FSA arranged to sell it or give it to supposedly friendly fishing agencies in France, Sweden, Israel, and others. Now when the "plug" is removed it enables the U.S. FIA (Fish Intelligence Agency) hookers to spy on other fish processing practices.
Fin-e-metrics [allegedly] adapted it to be used through slow-swimming submarines, to spy on the fishing along central fishing banks.
The late White House aide, Fang Wisefish, is said to have had about 2.73 million worms stashed away in his Swiss fish account. The FIA hookers perhaps taking advantage of their plug in the bank's software, are said to have swam across not only Fang Wisefish's hidden fish account but also hidden fish accounts belonging to members of Congress and other high government fishycrats. This, it seems, is where the "public carp" were hiding all the fishbait they had illegally netted.
It was feared that breaking such a huge scandal publicly would cause the Elderfish to fall out of their rocking chairs. Something had to be done. These congressional fish and others could not be allowed to get away with their crookedness. Even though the FIA hookers, known as the "Fish-Column", are said to have fished out the accounts of the offenders, many thought it was obvious that some punishment was in order. You can't just leave these bait-takers in office --What's to stop them from nibbling at just anyone's files?
It is reported by several independent sources that these bait-takers are being told to return to their home waters, or else have their alleged eel-y-ness revealed. As former SeniorNet editor, Jim O. Trout, put it in the December, 1995, issue of FQ, Fish Quarterly, magazine:
"There has been an unusually large number of veteran congressfish and finators announcing their bale outs , going overboard, or just switching streams. The official explanation: It's no fun now that the Finlicans control Congress."
But sources claim the real reason is that some of these departees have been quietly confronted with evidence that they have been taking worms and other fish-bait through this Swiss and other offshore fish accounts. Rumor has it that about 30 current Big Fish of the House and Senate have been identified as having such foreign fish funds.
Langston Bass, writing in his monthly up-scale magazine, "Fishmate" confirms these charges. He reports that he has checked with several of his sources and that, "as they say in the trade, the story now has fins."
According to Langston Bass, a so-called "Shark of Death" is visiting the various congressional fish and informing them that they have just 24 hours to swim away.
Reporting on the phenomena of the disappearing Congressional fish, the "Fishington Times" and the "National Fin" declares that "Congress is going through a real fishfry." There have been, says the Times, 49 announced retirements or "fish outs" since the November 1994 elections. And, it adds, "a school of them just swam out ... recently, after their Fishgiving recess."
Well, "Times," here is one more name to add to the "trickle that has grown into a stream" of retirements: Rep. Horace Haddock "said Monday he will leave Congress after swimming in it for 18 years." ... as an after thought he announced, "It's probably time for me to swim on." Says Horace, "I'm just homesick."
Says Jim O' Trout, I don't want to be finicky but ... "This country is in a *major* political crisis." According to this ex-SeniorNet editor, it is all "un-netting right before our eyes."
"For many years," he says, "[Fang Wisefish] had been a behind-the-scenes big-fish swimming between the FSA, the Fish Security Agency, and that company in Arkansas called Fin-e-metrics -- a fish processing company now owned or controlled by the telephone conglomerate called FINTEL. He may have had access to very high-level bait, fishing gear [and] other kinds of sounding equipment."
According to Jim O', "More important than that: when [Fang Wisefish] arrived in the White House, he came to have possession of *extremely* sensitive bait and other fishy materials -- probably it was the bait, but more important than that, he seems to know the location of the best fishing holes, by which the President authenticates himself when he calls up the Fintagon and says, "Y'all Wanna Go Fish'un?"
"... Plus the fact," adds the controversial but respected journalist, "that we have documented evidence of Fang Wisefish making periodic, one-day trips to Geneva. And multiple sources have confirmed that he had at least one, if not several, Swiss fish accounts."
Mr. Jim O' Trout charges that Fang Wisefish, and *Fillary* (last name unknown) were both under surveillance for fishing at the time of Fang Wisefish's so-called "suicide".
Mr. Jim O' Trout now wonders, "Where would Fang Wisefish have gotten access to the locations of these very sensitive fishing holes [... and the authentication codes] within the White House?"
This last rings true when it is recalled that Fang Wisefish and Mrs. Fillary (last name unknown) had been widely reported as being lovers.
According to Mr. Jim O' Trout, significant national fishing issues are lurking beneath the surface of the otherwise dropsical Whitewater hearings. Said Jim O,
"Fang Wisefish, as problematic as his death is, it's small fry compared to what we discovered. In fact, a former intelligence hooker who has been involved in fishing for fancy filets from foreign fisheries has found *hundreds* of Swiss, [Grand] Cayman and other off-shore fishing banks maintained for the benefit of high-level U.S. political fish ... truly a club of the 'Fish-in-the-Chips'."
So suddenly the murky waters are starting to clear. When you think in terms of Swiss fish accounts and massive amounts of worms and finbacks -- it explains a lot of the carp that's going on right now.
What we're looking at here is corruption of the federal fisheries as well as high-level Finocrats and Finlicans. It's been going on for years -- "There are huge amounts of worms sloshing around, here."
Jim O' continues, "I don't believe that Fang Wisefish is dead. Just before he disappeared, he was reported to have been seeing a finny filet named, Bubbles. This affair apparently is over ... now that Fang Wisefish has disappeared."
Perhaps he is hiding somewhere in some forgotten fish bowl or is being held against his fin. But somehow ... I know that Fang Wisefish is alive and that Sam, the Dolphin, has the answer.
Then what about the story of a few Elderfish recently meeting in New York, ... in a snowstorm(?) ... come on! Well place fish have said that "Elderfish" is a loosely netted conglomerate of fancy fish followers controlled by none other than Pat, the Perch, Lady Lotte Madonna Fish, and Elaine, (a.k.a. The Eel ... among others)
No! "This story is *not* in the can !"
More Adventures
next .. Fang's New Time Thesis !
Fang, The Movie !
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